Slutty Cheesecake Bars (from Bakers Royale)

Everybody loves watching a good action movie on the big screen. Everybody, except the two people sitting directly on either side of me, the unfortunate person in front of me whose chair gets pummeled every time a loud explosion occurs, and maybe anyone within shriek-audible range of me–which is basically everyone in the theater. I am not a dainty shrieker. I spent all of Star Trek: Into Darkness and Iron Man 3 doing weird spastic knee tucks in my seat and giving the front seat an extra-hard kick when its occupant turned around to glare at me.

That being said, I love watching action films in theater. If I have one weakness, though (aside from these “slutty cheesecake bars”–yes, we’ll get to these smexy bad boys and their seductive name in just a second), it’s an action film with plenty of eye candy. Speaking of which, have you seen Chris Pine in the new Star Trek movie? Never mind the fact that my Trekkie knowledge was limited to Spock’s horrendous haircut up until the first new movie in 2009. The hysterical prepubescent middle-school fan girl in me rares up every time young Captain Kirk flashes those sultry baby blues my way.

As an added perk, he’s sweet-looking and smart. He graduated from UC Berkeley with a Bachelor’s in English in 2002.

Oh heyyy. Guess who else has an English degree from the big Blue and Gold? Shall we discuss our shared literary interests over a cup of Free Trade tea and vegan pulled pork, Chris? Yes? Yes?

Or maybe over a panful of these?

I was so excited when I first stumbled across these at Baker’s Royale. She is known for inventing some insane bar cookies, with zany names to boot (like Man Whore bars, which I still need to try–um, yes, please?) These are no exception. No, sireeee.

Bake up a soft, chewy layer of perfect chocolate chip cookies (even from a package if you’re in a hurry–I used one of my favorite chewy CCC recipes). Layer up your Oreos–16 whole, creamy chocolatey ones, then smother them in a smooth and rich cheesecake filling. Chop up some more Oreos and Whoppers and sprinkle them over the whole shebang.

Bam. Slutty bar cookies for slutty perfectly innocuous, intelligent motives to meet Chris Pine.

 

My coworkers and students thought I was insane when I brought a plate of these into the office last week. These reports can be neither confirmed nor denied. However, when I stepped back in half an hour later, these were completely gone. Completely.

These crazy-loaded treats (the only kinds I accept) make great conversation starters, apology/appeasement gifts, after-school sweet tooth snacks, and enticers of potential love interests.

 

I doubt even Chris Pine could resist them–but I’ll let you know after I test this theory out.

  

Print this recipe and beam them up, Scotty!

Slutty Cheesecake Bars (from Bakers Royale)

Yield: 1 8×8-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

 

For chocolate chip cookie base (original recipe from My Baking Addiction)–one of the chewiest, most satisfying CCC’s you’ll ever make!

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons white sugar
• 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 egg, room temperature
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks

Directions:

1. In a large mixing bowl, cream together softened butter and both sugars until fluffy. Beat in vanilla and egg. Mix in flour, baking soda, and salt until just incorporated. Gently fold in chocolate chips.
2. Set bowl aside and make cheesecake layer.
3. If you’d like to make these as individual cookies: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Drop prepared cookie dough by rounded tablespoonfuls on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 11-13 minutes, until lightly golden. Remove from oven and allow to cool on hot cookie sheet for at least 3-5 minutes before removing to wire rack.

For cheesecake layer:

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Cream together softened cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla; beat in until completely smooth, but be sure not to overbeat.
2. Set aside cheesecake layer as you assemble the slutty cheesecake bars.

To assemble slutty cheesecake bars:

Ingredients:

• 21 Oreos (16 whole Oreos and 5 chopped Oreos, divided)
• 5 oz. Whoppers, chopped

Directions for assembly:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease an 8×8-inch baking pan.
2. Spread cookie dough evenly across the bottom of the prepared baking pan (or drop them by rounded tablespoonfuls on a cookie sheet if making cookies). Your cookie dough layer should be about half an inch thick–if you have leftover dough, you can bake it immediately as individual cookies or simply toss it into the fridge for baking at a later time. Bake for approximately 10-12 minutes, until the dough is just cooked through and firm. Remove from oven.
3. Layer 16 whole Oreos on baked cookie crust. Pour cheesecake filling evenly over Oreos. Sprinkle 5 chopped Oreos and 5 oz. chopped Whoppers over the cheesecake.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 35-40 minutes, until cheesecake is pretty well set. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely in pan before cutting. Best served chilled from refrigerator (but make sure you store it in the fridge either way).
5. Note: If you eat these warm straight out of the pan–as I did–you might be alarmed to find that the Whoppers are almost impossibly chewy! Don’t worry; if you wait like you’re (ahem) supposed to, they will regain their crunchy texture after chilling in the fridge. 

Dreamy Raspberry Streusel Magic Bars

What are you making for your mom or the mom-like figure in your life this Sunday?

I have to admit that I am not making these. Well, maybe I did….but there is no remaining physical evidence to indicate that I did.

That’s right. I ate my mom’s Mother Day baked goods gift.

Oops. Love you, mumsy.

The frontal lobe of my twisted brain reasons that I am flying my own sweet little self back home for Mother’s Day, and that my mom will therefore have everything she needs (i.e. me). Plus, she won’t miss what she never, er, knew she was missing out on. Right?

Right? Who’s with me?

You’ll understand what I mean shortly. Skedaddle off to the kitchen and make these gooey, crunchy, cinnamony, sweet, and simple bars–I guarantee you, they won’t last you until Sunday. And if they do–well, you’re either a saint, or you’re a mother yourself and have the patience of a saint.

And if you are a mother, you should totally hoard the entire pan, because–well, it’s your day, and you can. And who ever needed a better excuse than THAT?

Happy (early) Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers who fill up our kitchens with warm aromas and our lives with lots of love!

Dreamy Raspberry Streusel Magic Bars

Adapted from a fantastic original recipe at Mom on Time Out

Ingredients:

• 3 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3 cups sweetened coconut, flaked
• 1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 1/2 cups seedless raspberry preserves
• 1/3 cup semisweet chocolate (for drizzling)
• 1/3 cup white chocolate (for drizzling)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 9×13-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, white sugar, 3/4 cup melted butter, and 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon. Press lightly and evenly into bottom of prepared pan.
3. Sprinkle coconut over graham cracker crust, then pour sweetened condensed evenly over coconut. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes.
4. Remove pan from oven and cool completely. While waiting for bars to cool, make streusel topping (recipe to follow).
5. Spread raspberry preserves over cooled bars. Press prepared streusel lightly into the jam.
6. Place semisweet chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl and heat on high for 30 seconds. Remove and stir; return to microwave and continue heating at 20-second intervals, stirring between each, until chocolate is completely melted. Do the same for the white chocolate. Drizzle melted chocolates over the bars, then cut and serve!

For streusel topping:

• 1  cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup quick-cooking oats
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3/4 cup chopped pecans or nut of your choice (optional–if you omit them, increase oats by 1/2 cup)

Directions

1.  Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl. Press lightly onto a baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes, until light brown. Crumble while still hot; set aside to cool completely.
3. Press into the tops of your magic bars!

Honey Sweet Rolls

I, like every reasonable person, am extremely fond of excuses. I love excuses because they can come in a variety of forms. Observe.

Please excuse these honey sweet buns. I’m sure your boss didn’t even notice you salivating, so you can wipe the drool off your keyboard and continue browsing these pictures at your leisure–er, or discretion.

You will also need to excuse my lack of consideration in posting yet another fluffy yeast-filled gif that makes you wish they’d hurry up and figure out a way to make the stuff you see on your computer screen edible. 

Passionate advocate for all victims of first-world problems–that’s me. I should seriously consider a career change.

Some excuses make me want to eat my words. For instance, I am about to offer you an excuse about why I haven’t been updating recently. The excuse is called a nasty bout of food poisoning followed by a feverish round of stomach flu. The sight and smell of food for the past week made me feel like poor Grimsby on board Prince Eric’s ship. I did not want to eat food, or my words, or anything else.

The one thing I did crave when my symptoms started to subside was bread. Plain, slightly sweet and incredibly fluffy buns were in order, and I was at the same time suffering from a drastic case of kitchen withdrawal by this time. As soon as I could stand on my two feet again, I ran straight for the oven.

Well, I sort of ran more into the oven. And I was a complete hazard because I could barely see straight at this point. If I had to hashtag my miserable baking experience, it would look like

#THETHINGSIWILLDOFORATASTEOFTHISBREAD

or #BURNTFINGERSNOBODYGOTTIMEFORDAT.

Ain’t nobody got time for your excuses about why you’re not in the kitchen right now baking up this bread, either! This dough is extremely simple to work with and yields a chewy, light, and satisfyingly sweet roll that will turn your oven into a first-class bakery. I’ve eaten this all week slathered in PB&J, but it’s fabulous on its own or with a modest pat of butter as well. And of course, you’ll want to toss it in the microwave for a few seconds after the first day so you get that warm, fresh-from-the-oven softness!

So what are you waiting for? No more excuses, kiddos. This bread is the new Chuck Norris, and you’ll have to try it yourself to believe it.

And yes, it’s good to be back to eating–erm, writing.

Honey Sweet Rolls

Original recipe from Averie Cooks, who knows what she’s doing

Ingredients:

• 1 cup water, warmed to ~130 degrees F (slightly hot to touch but not so hot it will scald your skin)
• 1 packet (2 1/4 teaspoons) instant dry yeast
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/4 cup honey
• 3 tablespoons oil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 3/4 to 4 cups flour (bread flour will yield chewier + lighter results; I used APF and it was still pretty fluffy)
• 2 tablespoons butter, melted
• 2 tablespoons honey

Directions–from Averie’s site:

Add water to a glass measuring cup or microwave-safe bowl and heat on high power to warm it, about 30 seconds. Testing with a thermometer is highly recommended, but if testing with your finger, water should feel warm but not hot.

To the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, add the water and sprinkle the yeast on top of it. Beat on low speed for about 10 seconds, just to combine; let mixture stand for 10 minutes.

Add the egg, 1/4 cup honey, oil, salt, and mix until well-combined, about 2 minutes on low to medium-low speed. Add 3 cups flour and beat until a sloppy, wet, loose dough forms. Scrape off any dough bits stuck to the paddle, remove the paddle attachment, and put on the dough hook.

With the dough hook attached, turn mixer on low speed, and slowly sprinkle in remaining 3/4 cup flour. If necessary to obtain soft, smooth, non-sticky dough, sprinkle in the full 1 cup flour that remains (for a total of 4 cups flour, rather than 3 3/4 cups, noting that the more flour used, the denser the finished rolls will be). Knead dough for about 8 minutes. It will be firm, smooth, not sticky, and elastic. Turn dough out onto aSilpat Non-Stick Baking Mat or floured work surface and knead dough by hand for 1 to 2 minutes, just to get into the nooks and crannies with your fingers the dough hook may have missed and make sure dough is very smooth and uniform in texture. Place mounded ball of dough in a cooking sprayed or lightly greased large bowl and cover with plasticwrap. Place bowl in a warm place until it has doubled in size, about 2 hours. Tip – Preheating your oven for 1 minute to 400F, then shutting it off (make sure you shut it off), and quickly sliding the bowl in so the hot air doesn’t escape is one way to create a warm environment; think 85 or 90F summer day warm environment. A cooler environment simply means dough will take longer to rise.

After dough has risen and doubled, punch it down to release the air bubbles, and turn it out onto a Silpat or floured work surface. Knead for about 1 minute. Mound dough into a ball, place it back into the bowl, cover it, and allow it to rest and relax for about 10 minutes, making it easier to shape into rolls.

Prepare a 9-by-13-inch baking pan by lining it with aluminum foil, spray with cooking spray; set aside.

Place dough on Silpat or floured work surface, and using your hands, roll it into a long cylinder shape, about 12 to 15 inches in length, and it will about 3 to 4 inches in girth. Divide the log into 12 uniformly-sized pieces with a dough cutter or sharp knife. Roll each piece into a ball, creating surface tension on the top of the ball by stretching the dough over itself a bit and pinch off the bottom, tucking the dough into itself. Place each piece into the prepared pan, seam side down, uniformly spaced, four rows by three. (Dough may also be rolled into just a simple ‘plain ball’, without pulling on the top surface of dough to create tension and not bothering to pinch off the bottom a bit, but I find they rise better and are fluffier if they’re pinched off rather than just round dough globes)

After all pieces are in the pan, cover it with plasticwrap and allow to dough to rise for about 30 minutes. While dough rises, preheat oven to 400F. A good place for this rise is placing baking pan on the stovetop while oven is preheating for the carryover warmth.

Prepare honey-butter mixture by melting butter in a microwave-safe bowl on high power, about 1 minute. To the melted butter, add 2 tablespoons honey and stir to combine; set aside. After the rolls have risen and before baking, brush tops and sides of dough with the honey-butter mixture, getting into the sides and crevices and with a pastry brush. Bake rolls for about 15 minutes or until golden; they bake up very fast and watch them closely so the honey-butter mixture doesn’t burn in this very hot oven. Allow rolls to cool before serving. Serve with Honey Butter or Cinnamon-Sugar Butter

 

Choco-Peanut Butter Ying Yang Cookies

NOTE: I was writing the following blog post when I learned the news about the Boston Marathon explosion. To those of you in Boston or with loved ones in Boston, you’re all in our hearts, thoughts, and sympathies. If you’d like to share your thoughts and condolences, please feel free to do so here. Boston, take care.

Instead of writing an alternate entry to commemorate the victims and their families, I have decided to go ahead and post my original entry. On a day of tragedy, there is that small hope of reminder that tells us to cling tightly to those we love–to live and laugh with them. My hope is that this post will bring a smile to your faces in the midst of all the conflicting, image-laden media accounts and that you can cherish Boston by sharing your smiles with those you love during these difficult times.

In a way, it’s appropriate that this post features ying yang, or two-sided cookies. Everything in life has two sides to it–you just have to figure out how to make the best of both. With terrible tragedy, also comes the stunning realization that there are heroes out there from every stripe of life waiting to help, and that the heroes we can appreciate most are often standing right beside us. Appreciate the heroes in your life today–tell them how much they mean to you.

****

There are some people in this world who are good at lots of things. We all have that friend who was high school ASB president, child actor/actress, swim team captain, math-lete extraordinaire, five-time winner of the MTV Best Smile Award, and a kick-ass poker tournament champion to boot. I often roar in their general direction from my underachieving, lazy day couch.

Some days I function just enough that I can overboil myself a bowl of instant ramen (yes, this is actually possible) before flopping with all the grace of an elephant seal into bed. This week, for instance, I’ve been a slobby mess scrambling to figure out my summer plans and still trying to stay on top of my own work, along with all of my students’ work. I sit here in my tattered Pooh pajamas thinking to myself, “Geez, you’re hopeless!”

It’s on the mopiest, Eeyore-iest of afternoons that I force myself to think of some things I’m actually pretty good at.

One thing I love is storytelling. I wrote some–okay, a lot of–erm, fanfiction in my day, and had a modest following that I’ve always been pretty proud of. Cue embarrassing romantic escapades in which Usagi (that’s Serena from the dubbed version of the anime, Sailor Moon) stares deeply into Mamoru’s (that’s Darien’s) piercing blue eyes and runs a trembling hand through his soft ebony hair before he sweeps her up into her arms and leans down to kiss her.

Yeah. Hai there, fanfic alter-ego. Let me wipe my hard drive and go skulk in a dank cobwebbed corner now before anybody recognizes me.

I’m never telling any of you my pen name. Ever. So don’t ask.

I’ve always considered myself more of a storyteller than a baker or a cook or a foodie. Do any of you writers out there feel the same way? I do, 25 hours, every single day.

Writing always came pretty naturally to me. I never really had problems drumming up an audience for my stories, online or otherwise. I once wrote a 250,000 word story for a fanfic/original story Valentine’s Day contest in 2 weeks and ended up winning a nice shiny virtual badge. To this day, it’s the highlight of my online writing career–and imagine how proud my parents and friends were that I had eked out all of one other contestant for the shiny virtual gold.

Oh, yeah. Did I not mention that only one other person entered? Derp.

To be completely fair, she’s about the biggest name in the fandom. Like, a really, really big name. And now she’s a published author and I’m an underpaid graduate student with a shiny virtual badge. I should probably put this on my CV…along with all of my other great voluntary and unpaid escapades.

One thing I am not–naturally, at least–is a good chef. Cheese curdles at the mere mention of my name, and the milk in my fridge trembles so badly it turns into one big milkshake.

Milkshakes. Yum.

Ask my friends. Anyone who knew me before or even during college can attest to the fact that I was not born with a spatula for a hand. When asked whether I had cumin in my pantry, I once answered, “Bless you. Did you sneeze? Here’s a tissue.”

It wasn’t until junior year of college that I even learned how to boil vegetables. For some reason, I always thought you dumped the chopped vegetables into the water first and then turned the heat off right before it started boiling. My dad was a total saint on this score. Case in point: after I strutted around like a rooster and served him the totally raw vegetables over a plate of oversteamed rice, he simply said, “Well, more nutrients.”

Raw vegetables = nutrients. Bless him.

As you can see, I’ve come quite a ways since then. These days, I’m baking at the speed of light and having a fantastic time sharing all of my oven adventures, but I still have WAY more baking failures than anyone ever believes. One of these days, I’m going to compile a collage of all the epic failures I’ve had in the kitchen (not just cracked cheesecakes, but charcoal-burnt pans over unattended stovetops and an oil fire that I nearly tried putting out with water which you should never do!!).

These ying-yang, perfectly chewy chocolaty and peanut butter-packed cookies from Sally’s Baking Addiction are a godsend that you will not mess up. Trust me on this one. My oven has the temper of a hormonal teenager and this is one of the few batches of cookies that came out chewy, fluffy, and packed with chocolate-and-PB goodness.

I HIGHLY recommend these for those of you who love chocolate and PB, and want a fancy-looking addition to your cookie tray that won’t throw you into fits of agony about whether they will “turn out.” All you need is to give yourself some extra time for dough chilling while you chill as well and make these scrumptious, simple, sassy cookies!

And now, excuse me while I go off to determine whether Draco and Hermione are canon.

Er. I mean, while I go nab another one of these scrumptious cookies. (Because no lie, I will do it.)

Don’t wait–print this!

Choco-Peanut Butter Ying Yang Cookies

Yield: 2 dozen cookies

Original recipe from Sally’s Baking Addiction

 

For the chocolate cookies

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar, lightly packed
• 1/2 large egg (carefully separate it in half and reserve other half for the PB cookie recipe)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips, semi-sweet (or dark or milk)

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, cream together butter and both sugars until light and fluffy. Mix in egg and vanilla until smooth. In a separate bowl, mix together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to wet ingredients and stir in until just combined. Carefully mix in the milk, then fold in chocolate chips. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight. (See baking instructions below.)

For the peanut butter chocolate chip cookies:

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 2 tablespoons white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar, lightly packed
• 6 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
• 1/2 large egg (reserved from chocolate cookie recipe)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips, semi-sweet (or dark or milk)

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, cream together butter and both sugars until light and fluffy. Mix in peanut butter, then add egg and vanilla and mix until smooth. Add flour, baking soda, and salt to wet ingredients and stir in until just combined. Fold in chocolate chips. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight. (See baking instructions below.)
   

Baking instructions for choco-peanut butter ying yang cookies:

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a baking sheet and set aside.
2. Removing chilled dough from fridge, roll a medium-sized ball (about 3/4th the size of a golf ball) of chocolate dough, then roll a ball of the same size of peanut butter dough. Carefully smoosh the two together side by side, then roll that into a perfect round ball. Set on baking sheet and continue rolling ying-yang dough balls until you’ve finished with all the dough. (If you used too much of one and not enough of the other, you can always bake the cookies in just one flavor!)
3. Bake in preheated oven for approximately 10-12 minutes, and no more than 12-13 minutes. The cookies will seem slightly underdone when you remove them from the oven, but they’ll firm up if you leave them on the sheet on top of the oven for about another 10-15 minutes. Don’t overbake–otherwise your cookies won’t be chewy and fluffy!

Lemon Raspberry Squares

If you’re like me and spent your diaper days thinking you would grow up to be a Disney princess/character, you have probably long since experienced that moment when some well-meaning adult sat you down, looked you straight in your beaming bright baby eyes, and said one of the following:

Speech A: “Kid, let’s face it. Ariel was the daughter who ran away from her tyrannical sea king of a father who forbade his entire kingdom to sleep when she went missing, and then she ended up marrying a guy she “knew” for 48 hours and having a kid who ended up ditching them because all SHE wanted to do was go to the sea. Talk about a dysfunctional family…

Speech B: “Belle never worked for that damn loaf of bread she was always singing about. And she was a victim of Stockholm’s syndrome. Does that sound like la vie en rose to you? Because if it does–well, in the words a hallucinogen-induced anthropomorphized talking candlestick…Be my guest.“

Speech C: “Aladdin–chronic liar. Rapunzel–societal recluse. Simba–unrealistic responsibility-shirker. Peter Pan–one big Freudian slip. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella–desperate damsels in distress fleeing from murderous pursuers and sought by princes with really, REALLY  overactive sets of lips.”

And so on and so forth.

I WAS NOT INFORMED OF ANY OF THIS.

Okay, maybe a few times. But I wasn’t informed of it in a way that would’ve persuaded me to actually buy it. I mean, so fine–Disney movies admittedly have their share of issues. I mean really, really big and sometimes morally reprehensible issues. And I recognize that. But really, since when is everything perfect in life?

Never, that’s when. As the saying goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

Fortunately, I am not a big fan of cake. Of all the delectable, makes-life-worth-living desserts out there, cake simply isn’t at the top of my list. Lemon squares, however, are.

As the good saying goes, “When life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.”

Or the better one, “When life throws lemons at you, make orange juice and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

Or, the best one, “When life throws lemons at you, throw ‘em back and yell really loudly like a feral animal so your enemies will run away screaming in terror.”

Okay, I made that last one up.

But you COULD make these tangy, gooey, sweet and tart lemon squares with a really satisfying strawberry or raspberry jam layer and turn even your worst enemies into BFFL’s.

You’ll want this recipe! Print it now and get those lemons going, folks.

Or better yet, let the seven little dwarves sitting in your closet do it while you indulge.

Because I know you have ‘em.

Don’t think I don’t. But this job’s mine, folks. And another batch of these gorgeous lemon squares will be too, if you don’t hurry up and make your own. I WILL devour them.

Which Disney character would you love to be in your life?

Lemon Raspberry Squares

Yield: 1 9×9-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• Zest of 1-2 lemons (approximately 1-2 tablespoons)
• 3/4 – 1 cup raspberry or strawberry jam.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, blend together butter, 1/3 cup white sugar, and 1 1/2 cups flour. Continue mixing until the mixture turns from crumbly to pretty smooth (of a more butter-like consistency). Press evenly and lightly into prepared pan. Bake crust for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and firm.
3. As the crust is baking, make your lemon filling by whisking together 1 1/4 cups white sugar and 1/4 cup flour. Whisk in eggs, lemon juice, and lemon zest until smooth.
4. Spread jam of your choice over the slightly cooled crust, taking care to leave about half an inch around the edges so the jam doesn’t burn. Pour lemon mixture over crust and jam, and return pan to oven. Bake for an additional 25-35 minutes, until filling is mostly set. (The squares will firm up as they cool, and in the fridge as well.) Allow squares to cool completely at room temperature before transferring them in the pan (covered) to the fridge and allowing them to set up for at least a few hours, or preferably overnight.
5. Cut into squares the next day and serve while singing Disney princess songs and humming to your helper animals!

Black Sesame Sunshine Brownies

I’d like to file a complaint.

Somebody has stolen all of the sunshine.

If you’re from a place where spring actually feels like spring, and summer looks like–well, like it’s supposed to, this is saying a lot.

I like my sunshine.

Mine. No touchie.

Having just flown back from a truly EPIC 4-day trip to St. Louis and Chicago, I’ve learned two things:

Thing #1: It’s not spring-like everywhere in the spring.

Cue multiple photos of me wearing 2 thick sweaters, 2 heavy coats, 2 pairs of gloves, knee-high socks, and boots the size of an overgrown sea elephant while waddling (much like a sea elephant) around the entire city trying to peek out at touristy attractions like the Bean without disturbing my puffy scarf and beanie.

Yes, the Chicagoans were visibly laughing as they passed by in their t-shirts. I would’ve done something about it, too…if waddling over to punch them in all my ridiculous layers didn’t make it look like I was just getting ready to give them a big bear hug or something.

Thing #2: As much as I told myself I wouldn’t be a pansy and say it’s “freezing cold” anymore when it’s, y’know, not…The lack of sunshine around here is killing me.

On my last day in St. Louis, it had warmed up to the point that I was eating renowned frozen custard from Ted Drewes wearing a tank top and a light jacket.

Today, I had to wear a thick jacket. Nuh-uh. Uncalled for, Cali!

 

So that’s what these brownies are for. Some people like to do rain dances. Since it’s been a dark, cloudy, overcast, likely-to-pour day over here, though, I huddled up inside with my books and made these gorgeously dark black sesame brownies and decided to throw in a bit of sunshine.

Then do a little dance. The sunshine brownie dance.  Because they’re really, really yummy and super bright! You’ll love the smoky (and healthy!) taste of black sesame topped with the tangy bright taste of lemon curd sunshine.

What’s your favorite kind of weather or date?  

I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

I’d love to hear what you’re thinking! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read/comment/follow. I hope you’re enjoying the weather and/or the indoors, wherever you’re at!

Black Sesame Sunshine Brownies

Yield: 1 9×9-inch baking pan

Adapted from Pig Pig’s Corner

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 3/4 cup + 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
• 5/8 cup white sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon soy sauce
• 2 eggs
• 7/8 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds (optional, for garnish)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a food processor, combine melted butter and black sesame seeds. Grind until it turns into a fine or slightly gritty paste.
3. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine sesame paste, sugar, and soy sauce. Fry it for 2-3 minutes, or until the black sesame becomes smoky and fragrant. (The oils will start to separate when it’s ready–be sure not to overfry, otherwise you’ll burn your sesame!) Remove from heat and set aside to cool.
4. Add cooled sesame mixture to a large mixing bowl. Mix in eggs one by one.
5. Gently fold in flour until just incorporated.
6. Pour batter into prepared pan and sprinkle black sesame seeds on top. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Top with white sesame seeds and serve with a dollop of lemon curd sunshine! (Recipe follows.)

Lemon Curd Sunshine

Ingredients:

• 1 cup white sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup lemon juice
• 3 lemons, zested
• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted

Directions:

1. In a large microwave-safe bowl, whisk together sugar and eggs until smooth. Stir in remaining ingredients, then heat in microwave at 1-minute intervals for approximately 4-5 minutes total, stirring between each interval. Your curd will be ready when it’s thick enough to coat the back of a metal spoon. Remove from microwave (straining out any excess egg whites as necessary through a mesh strainer) and allow to cool slightly before serving. Sunshine, order’s up! 

No-Bake Cookie Butter Lover Cookies

Guess who’s hopping on a plane to the windy city?

And don’t forget St. Louis, home of (apparently) the frozen custard. And other mid-West-y things…

Annnd…one of my favorite people in the whole wide world who’s currently in med school in good ol’ SL. I’m so excited! And it’ll be my first time properly visiting the mid-West, too.

I loved his email to me earlier this month about all the things he had planned for us. He knew I was busy out of my brains this quarter, so he went ahead and proposed an itinerary that looks something like this (which I’m sure he doesn’t mind my sharing, it made my day):

Tuesday (3/26): you arrive

Wednesday: Arch, bbq meat-filled lunch, frozen custard in St Louis, leave for Chicago sometime in the afternoon

Thursday: Do things in Chicago (Navy Pier, Millennium Park, Magnificent Mile, Sears Tower, Food….)

Friday: Do more things in chicago, return to st louis in the afternoon

Saturday: Forest Park, you leave

Talk about sweet! I’m so excited already, and I don’t leave until Tuesday. Just 96 more hours until touchdown..

So in case you’re wondering what this has to do with these fantastic cookie butter cookies I have for you today–these are the only thing getting me through today and Tuesday (otherwise known as the interval when I still have to grade final exams like the madwoman I am).

You can prepare these in literally less than ten minutes–then just scoop ‘em on a tray, pop ‘em in the freezer or fridge, and let them set up while you brush your teeth and blowdry your hair.

Then as you’re heading out the door, just grab these chewy, oat-y, perfectly spiced cookie butter cookies and take the windy city with you wherever you go–because I guarantee you, these big babies will blow you away. (Ha ha ha…)

Move on, airline peanuts–and Chicago-St. Louis, here I come (pun-tiful and all)!

No-Bake Cookie Butter Lover Cookies

I originally saw this and adapted it from sugarcrafter

Yield: 2 dozen cookies

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 7 tablespoons milk (I used 2%–whole milk would be preferable)
• 1/2 cup margarine or butter
• A pinch of salt
• 3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons cookie butter (you can get a jar from Trader Joe’s)
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 cups quick-cooking oats

Directions

1. In a medium pot, combine sugar, milk, margarine, and salt. Bring to a rolling boil over medium heat, then stop stirring and allow to boil for exactly one minute. (Boiling for the right amount of time will give you the right consistency of cookie–gooey, but not so gooey that you can’t pick them up!)
   
2. Turn off heat and stir in cookie butter, vanilla extract, and oats. Allow mixture to cool slightly, then spoon by heaping tablespoonfuls onto a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper. (I pressed them flat and used a round cookie cutter to give them uniform shapes.)
3. Pop the tray into the freezer for 30 minutes or into the fridge for an hour, or until cookies set up. Peel them off from the parchment paper and watch your friends get blown away, just as if they were standing in the smack middle of the windy city!

Frosty Pumpkin Streusel Magic Bars

It’s spring! You know what that means…

lovin’ the sunshine

lovin’ the flirty sundresses

lovin’ the beaches

lovin’ life

loving the gifs!

How could you NOT love that creamy, squishy sweet pumpkin magic bar layer there?

Yes, I’m sure all of you who have seen my latest batch of posts know that I have recently become obsessed with gifs. Whether or not this will turn out to be an occupational hazard to my health remains to be seen.

Are they all lovely gifs? Certainly not. I’m a gif-fing amateur (is giffing a word? What good is being in an English doctoral program if you can’t make up your own words? Giffing is a word)–I use *cringe* online software because for some reason or other Windows Movie Maker does not work on my computer. I cannot figure out for the holy life of me why. (Any ideas, techie folks!)

So back to my point–these gifs are not Da Vincis. In artistic merit, they’re not Picassos or Monets or even Stephanie Meyers–nope, they’re definitely better than that.  Sorry, Team Mayers folks. It must be said.

As my dearest friend Clark Gable says about this very subject (or maybe it was a different one–I get mixed up when it’s this time of the school year), “Frankly m’dear–I don’t give a damn.“

Because I drool over them anyway. This may or may not have physically happened to me in the middle of, erm, lecture last week when I was staring at them. It’s okay, nobody noticed.

There were many reasons for my choosing to go total gif-scapade (invented word number two–I’m on a roll! er, a stale one), but the biggest one was when I made the world’s fudgiest brownies and wondered how in holy heck I could convince you all of it. Pictures didn’t seem like enough. (As the Genie says: “Not enough…”)

Movement? Yes.

Showing the fudginess? Yes.

Gif? Yes, yes, YES.

Also, if you haven’t already seen the gif-spirational sensation Izy over at Top with Cinnamon, you probably want to pop on over there. Give credit where credit’s due, I always say! She’s a gif-nius.

So. To wrap it up, since I’m out of writing space (and frankly, I have a pile of papers waiting here to be graded).

Students asked me for this recipe.

Fellow TA’s asked me for this recipe.

You’ll want this recipe.

Kind of like you’ll probably want to eat these gifs and photos off the screen right now. Don’t. It’ll ruin your screen. I’d advise running to your oven RIGHT NOW instead.

Because they’re scrumdiddlyfantawesomelectabletasticumptious.

(PhD…here I come.)

Frosty Pumpkin Streusel Magic Bars

Adapted from Bakers Royale

Yield: 9×9-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1.5 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
• 3/4 heaping cup pumpkin puree
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ginger
• 1 large apple or 1.5 medium apples, peeled and chopped (I used Fuji)
• 1 cup sweetened shredded coconut
• 1 cup white chocolate chips
• 1 recipe streusel topping (below)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, white sugar, and 1.5 teaspoons cinnamon until mixture is completely moistened. Press lightly but evenly into bottom of prepared pan.
3. In a large mixing bowl, combine sweetened condensed milk, pumpkin, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. Pour evenly over the graham cracker crust. Sprinkle apples, coconut, white chocolate chips, and streusel over the top of the mixture; press ingredients lightly into the top so that they stick.
4. Bake in preheated oven 32-37 minutes, until center is mostly but not completely set. (If it’s still gooey, that’s perfectly fine–it will firm up a bit in the freezer).
5. Allow to cool slightly at room temperature, then pop the batch into the freezer for 30 minutes for easier cutting. Cut into bars; store leftovers in freezer.
6. NOTE: Alternatively, you can bake these bars 3-5 minutes longer than the listed baking time. This will result in bars that can be stored and served at room temperature.

Streusel topping:

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 6 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 6 tablespoons butter or margarine
• 1/4 cup pecans, chopped

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, combine flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Cut in butter and rub through with your fingers until the mixture resembles a coarse meal. Use as streusel topping for pumpkin magic bars, muffins, breads, or anything you’d like!

Gooey Cookie Butter Brown Sugar Bars

Cookie butter. Alternate names: Biscoff spread, Speculoos.

These bars–all of the above, plus nectar of the gods.

Did I get the magic words in there anywhere?

If you’re like me, you’ll want to grab a jar and just jam your really grown-up Minnie Mouse spoon right in–

Ohhh yeah.

If this sounds like something you have done would do, you won’t want to miss these heavenly, gooey, cinnamony cookie butter bars!

Plus, they’ll give you a really amazing excuse to spoon out mouthfuls of cookie butter while you’re waiting for the bars to finish baking. I know my jar is almost gone, and the recipe only calls for a little over half a cup…

On the other hand, if you’d like to agonize over nutritional labels and keep your body in bikini ship-shape in time for summer–skip out on these. Be my guest. Really. Because that means more, more, and more for me.

Oh, who are we kidding? These are awesome. You HAVE to try them!

If you’re really set on avoiding these, I’ll be nice. I won’t tell you about the thick, perfectly proportioned spiced graham cracker crust, and I certainly won’t tell you about the melt-in-your-mouth, warm gooey layer of cookie butter molasses-style brown sugar that you’re sure to love.

Aren’t I just the nicest?

You can probably see why having an entire trayful of these bad boys sitting on my kitchen counter can be an eensy, weensy, HUGE problem.

So check out the recipe. You DO have a jar of cookie butter sitting in your pantry, don’t you? Why, you DO? (Or if you don’t–you WILL in about 10 minutes, right?)

While I leave to Google the definition of “addiction,” why don’t you take another look at these drool-worthy bars?

And if you don’t see me back again in a while–er, don’t look in the kitchen. You might find a strange girl standing there with a Minnie Mouse spoon in one hand and an empty jar of cookie butter in the other…and that’s just awkward.

Guess you might want to check your kitchen after all. And while you’re there, why not make these FANTASTIC cookie butter addict bars?

Gooey Cookie Butter Brown Sugar Bars

Cookie butter filling adapted from Handle the Heat

Ingredients:

For graham cracker crust:

• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs (approximately 16 sheets, crushed)
• 10 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted and cooled to room temperature
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

For cookie butter brown sugar filling:

• 3 eggs
• 1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar, tightly packed
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup cookie butter spread

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease an 8×8-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. To make crust: Combine all crust ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Press evenly and lightly into greased baking pan. Bake in preheated oven for 8-10 minutes, until lightly golden. Set aside to cool while making filling.
3. To make filling: Combine filling ingredients until completely smooth. Pour over slightly cooled crust and bake for approximately 30 minutes, until the center has just set. Remove from oven and allow to cool, then cut into bars and cool completely on a wire rack.

Green Eggs and (Veg)Ham: Celebrating Dr. Seuss! (March 2nd)

He’s a good man,
Oh! a good man is he–
Who’s HE, we all said,
And HE said, who’s WE?

“Why, don’t you know?”

“Oh, didn’t you hear?”

“Didn’t anyone say

there’s a birthday this year?”

Was it the moose

or the duck or the foose?

Was the snarffle–

NO

It was…

DR. SEUSS!!!

(“A foose”–you silly goose.)

Happy yester-yester-birthday, Dr. Seuss!! (March 2nd, 1904)

A tribute to my childhood hero/children’s books idol/gibberish generator/nonsensical nobblygookie.

You’ll love this twist on a classic storybook favorite, folks. Pesto, baked eggs, and veggie ham–even the grumpy old red-hatted creature from Green Eggs and Ham would approve!

Have you had your green eggs and ham today, Sam I am?

Is there a food that you once refused to try, but now love? What’s YOUR green eggs and ham?

(Mine is eggplant!)

Green Eggs and (Veg) Ham for Sam-I-am

Yield: 1 8×4-inch loaf pan

Ingredients:

• 1/2 medium tomato, diced
• 1 small onion, finely chopped
• 1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped
• 5 eggs
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/3  cup cheese of your choice (I used feta)
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 1 serving homemade pesto (recipe to follow)
• Veggie or regular ham, to serve on the side

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 8×4-inch loaf pan. Set aside. 
2. Over medium heat, cook onion, mushrooms, and tomato until cooked through and lightly browned.
3. In a large mixing bowl, combine eggs, milk, cheese, and a pinch of both salt and pepper. Add cooked vegetables, then pour mixture into greased pan. Bake for 30-40 minutes, until top is set and eggs are pretty nearly cooked through. (I like mine slightly runny, so I remove it a few minutes early from the oven for that nice slightly runny touch!)
4. Serve with pesto and veggie (or regular) ham. Voila! Green eggs and ham!

HOMEMADE PARSLEY PESTO

Ingredients:

• 1 cup almonds or pecans
• 1 large bunch parsley (no need to be precise here!)
• 1/3 cup feta cheese
• 2 – 4 tablespoons lemon juice
• Garlic salt, to taste
• Pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Line a baking pan with foil and spread nuts in a thin layer on it. Toast in preheated oven for 15 minutes (pecans) to approximately 30 minutes (almonds), stirring nuts every 10 minutes or so to prevent them from burning. Remove from oven and allow to cool briefly.
2. Place toasted nuts in food processor. Blend at 20-second intervals, scraping down sides as needed, until the nut reaches a thin paste consistency. Add parsley; blend until smooth. Add feta, lemon juice, and salt and pepper (to taste). Blend for another minute or so, until pesto is completely smooth.