Slutty Cheesecake Bars (from Bakers Royale)

Everybody loves watching a good action movie on the big screen. Everybody, except the two people sitting directly on either side of me, the unfortunate person in front of me whose chair gets pummeled every time a loud explosion occurs, and maybe anyone within shriek-audible range of me–which is basically everyone in the theater. I am not a dainty shrieker. I spent all of Star Trek: Into Darkness and Iron Man 3 doing weird spastic knee tucks in my seat and giving the front seat an extra-hard kick when its occupant turned around to glare at me.

(Doesn’t this photo look like an adorable mini smiling wolf? Hehe, it makes me happy to look at it.)

That being said, I love watching action films in theater. If I have one weakness, though (aside from these “slutty cheesecake bars”–yes, we’ll get to these smexy bad boys and their seductive name in just a second), it’s an action film with plenty of eye candy. Speaking of which, have you seen Chris Pine in the new Star Trek movie? Never mind the fact that my Trekkie knowledge was limited to Spock’s horrendous haircut up until the first new movie in 2009. The hysterical prepubescent middle-school fan girl in me rares up every time young Captain Kirk flashes those sultry baby blues my way.

As an added perk, he’s sweet-looking and smart. He graduated from UC Berkeley with a Bachelor’s in English in 2002.

Oh heyyy. Guess who else has an English degree from the big Blue and Gold? Shall we discuss our shared literary interests over a cup of Free Trade tea and vegan pulled pork, Chris? Yes? Yes?

Or maybe over a panful of these?

I was so excited when I first stumbled across these at Baker’s Royale. She is known for inventing some insane bar cookies, with zany names to boot (like Man Whore bars, which I still need to try–um, yes, please?) These are no exception. No, sireeee.

Bake up a soft, chewy layer of perfect chocolate chip cookies (even from a package if you’re in a hurry–I used one of my favorite chewy CCC recipes). Layer up your Oreos–16 whole, creamy chocolatey ones, then smother them in a smooth and rich cheesecake filling. Chop up some more Oreos and Whoppers and sprinkle them over the whole shebang.

Bam. Slutty bar cookies for slutty perfectly innocuous, intelligent motives to meet Chris Pine.

 

My coworkers and students thought I was insane when I brought a plate of these into the office last week. These reports can be neither confirmed nor denied. However, when I stepped back in half an hour later, these were completely gone. Completely.

These crazy-loaded treats (the only kinds I accept) make great conversation starters, apology/appeasement gifts, after-school sweet tooth snacks, and enticers of potential love interests. 

I doubt even Chris Pine could resist them–but I’ll let you know after I test this theory out.

  

Print this recipe and beam them up, Scotty!

Slutty Cheesecake Bars (from Bakers Royale)

Yield: 1 8×8-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

For chocolate chip cookie base (original recipe from My Baking Addiction)–one of the chewiest, most satisfying CCC’s you’ll ever make!

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons white sugar
• 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 egg, room temperature
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks

Directions:

1. In a large mixing bowl, cream together softened butter and both sugars until fluffy. Beat in vanilla and egg. Mix in flour, baking soda, and salt until just incorporated. Gently fold in chocolate chips.
2. Set bowl aside and make cheesecake layer.
3. If you’d like to make these as individual cookies: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Drop prepared cookie dough by rounded tablespoonfuls on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 11-13 minutes, until lightly golden. Remove from oven and allow to cool on hot cookie sheet for at least 3-5 minutes before removing to wire rack.

For cheesecake layer:

Ingredients:

• 12 oz. cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Cream together softened cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla; beat in until completely smooth, but be sure not to overbeat.
2. Set aside cheesecake layer as you assemble the slutty cheesecake bars.

To assemble slutty cheesecake bars:

Ingredients:

• 21 Oreos (16 whole Oreos and 5 chopped Oreos, divided)
• 5 oz. Whoppers, chopped

Directions for assembly:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease an 8×8-inch baking pan.
2. Spread cookie dough evenly across the bottom of the prepared baking pan (or drop them by rounded tablespoonfuls on a cookie sheet if making cookies). Your cookie dough layer should be about half an inch thick–if you have leftover dough, you can bake it immediately as individual cookies or simply toss it into the fridge for baking at a later time. Bake for approximately 10-12 minutes, until the dough is just cooked through and firm. Remove from oven.
3. Layer 16 whole Oreos on baked cookie crust. Pour cheesecake filling evenly over Oreos. Sprinkle 5 chopped Oreos and 5 oz. chopped Whoppers over the cheesecake.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 35-40 minutes, until cheesecake is pretty well set. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely in pan before cutting. Best served chilled from refrigerator (but make sure you store it in the fridge either way).
5. Note: If you eat these warm straight out of the pan–as I did–you might be alarmed to find that the Whoppers are almost impossibly chewy! Don’t worry; if you wait like you’re (ahem) supposed to, they will regain their crunchy texture after chilling in the fridge. 

Dreamy Raspberry Streusel Magic Bars

What are you making for your mom or the mom-like figure in your life this Sunday?

I have to admit that I am not making these. Well, maybe I did….but there is no remaining physical evidence to indicate that I did.

That’s right. I ate my mom’s Mother Day baked goods gift.

Oops. Love you, mumsy.

The frontal lobe of my twisted brain reasons that I am flying my own sweet little self back home for Mother’s Day, and that my mom will therefore have everything she needs (i.e. me). Plus, she won’t miss what she never, er, knew she was missing out on. Right?

Right? Who’s with me?

You’ll understand what I mean shortly. Skedaddle off to the kitchen and make these gooey, crunchy, cinnamony, sweet, and simple bars–I guarantee you, they won’t last you until Sunday. And if they do–well, you’re either a saint, or you’re a mother yourself and have the patience of a saint.

And if you are a mother, you should totally hoard the entire pan, because–well, it’s your day, and you can. And who ever needed a better excuse than THAT?

Happy (early) Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers who fill up our kitchens with warm aromas and our lives with lots of love!

Dreamy Raspberry Streusel Magic Bars

Adapted from a fantastic original recipe at Mom on Time Out

Ingredients:

• 3 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3 cups sweetened coconut, flaked
• 1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 1/2 cups seedless raspberry preserves
• 1/3 cup semisweet chocolate (for drizzling)
• 1/3 cup white chocolate (for drizzling)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 9×13-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, white sugar, 3/4 cup melted butter, and 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon. Press lightly and evenly into bottom of prepared pan.
3. Sprinkle coconut over graham cracker crust, then pour sweetened condensed evenly over coconut. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes.
4. Remove pan from oven and cool completely. While waiting for bars to cool, make streusel topping (recipe to follow).
5. Spread raspberry preserves over cooled bars. Press prepared streusel lightly into the jam.
6. Place semisweet chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl and heat on high for 30 seconds. Remove and stir; return to microwave and continue heating at 20-second intervals, stirring between each, until chocolate is completely melted. Do the same for the white chocolate. Drizzle melted chocolates over the bars, then cut and serve!

For streusel topping:

• 1  cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup quick-cooking oats
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 3/4 cup chopped pecans or nut of your choice (optional–if you omit them, increase oats by 1/2 cup)

Directions

1.  Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl. Press lightly onto a baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes, until light brown. Crumble while still hot; set aside to cool completely.
3. Press into the tops of your magic bars!

Lemon Raspberry Squares

If you’re like me and spent your diaper days thinking you would grow up to be a Disney princess/character, you have probably long since experienced that moment when some well-meaning adult sat you down, looked you straight in your beaming bright baby eyes, and said one of the following:

Speech A: “Kid, let’s face it. Ariel was the daughter who ran away from her tyrannical sea king of a father who forbade his entire kingdom to sleep when she went missing, and then she ended up marrying a guy she “knew” for 48 hours and having a kid who ended up ditching them because all SHE wanted to do was go to the sea. Talk about a dysfunctional family…

Speech B: “Belle never worked for that damn loaf of bread she was always singing about. And she was a victim of Stockholm’s syndrome. Does that sound like la vie en rose to you? Because if it does–well, in the words a hallucinogen-induced anthropomorphized talking candlestick…Be my guest.“

Speech C: “Aladdin–chronic liar. Rapunzel–societal recluse. Simba–unrealistic responsibility-shirker. Peter Pan–one big Freudian slip. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella–desperate damsels in distress fleeing from murderous pursuers and sought by princes with really, REALLY  overactive sets of lips.”

And so on and so forth.

I WAS NOT INFORMED OF ANY OF THIS.

Okay, maybe a few times. But I wasn’t informed of it in a way that would’ve persuaded me to actually buy it. I mean, so fine–Disney movies admittedly have their share of issues. I mean really, really big and sometimes morally reprehensible issues. And I recognize that. But really, since when is everything perfect in life?

Never, that’s when. As the saying goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

Fortunately, I am not a big fan of cake. Of all the delectable, makes-life-worth-living desserts out there, cake simply isn’t at the top of my list. Lemon squares, however, are.

As the good saying goes, “When life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.”

Or the better one, “When life throws lemons at you, make orange juice and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

Or, the best one, “When life throws lemons at you, throw ‘em back and yell really loudly like a feral animal so your enemies will run away screaming in terror.”

Okay, I made that last one up.

But you COULD make these tangy, gooey, sweet and tart lemon squares with a really satisfying strawberry or raspberry jam layer and turn even your worst enemies into BFFL’s.

You’ll want this recipe! Print it now and get those lemons going, folks.

Or better yet, let the seven little dwarves sitting in your closet do it while you indulge.

Because I know you have ‘em.

Don’t think I don’t. But this job’s mine, folks. And another batch of these gorgeous lemon squares will be too, if you don’t hurry up and make your own. I WILL devour them.

Which Disney character would you love to be in your life?

Lemon Raspberry Squares

Yield: 1 9×9-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• Zest of 1-2 lemons (approximately 1-2 tablespoons)
• 3/4 – 1 cup raspberry or strawberry jam.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, blend together butter, 1/3 cup white sugar, and 1 1/2 cups flour. Continue mixing until the mixture turns from crumbly to pretty smooth (of a more butter-like consistency). Press evenly and lightly into prepared pan. Bake crust for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and firm.
3. As the crust is baking, make your lemon filling by whisking together 1 1/4 cups white sugar and 1/4 cup flour. Whisk in eggs, lemon juice, and lemon zest until smooth.
4. Spread jam of your choice over the slightly cooled crust, taking care to leave about half an inch around the edges so the jam doesn’t burn. Pour lemon mixture over crust and jam, and return pan to oven. Bake for an additional 25-35 minutes, until filling is mostly set. (The squares will firm up as they cool, and in the fridge as well.) Allow squares to cool completely at room temperature before transferring them in the pan (covered) to the fridge and allowing them to set up for at least a few hours, or preferably overnight.
5. Cut into squares the next day and serve while singing Disney princess songs and humming to your helper animals!

Black Sesame Sunshine Brownies

I’d like to file a complaint.

Somebody has stolen all of the sunshine.

If you’re from a place where spring actually feels like spring, and summer looks like–well, like it’s supposed to, this is saying a lot.

I like my sunshine.

Mine. No touchie.

Having just flown back from a truly EPIC 4-day trip to St. Louis and Chicago, I’ve learned two things:

Thing #1: It’s not spring-like everywhere in the spring.

Cue multiple photos of me wearing 2 thick sweaters, 2 heavy coats, 2 pairs of gloves, knee-high socks, and boots the size of an overgrown sea elephant while waddling (much like a sea elephant) around the entire city trying to peek out at touristy attractions like the Bean without disturbing my puffy scarf and beanie.

Yes, the Chicagoans were visibly laughing as they passed by in their t-shirts. I would’ve done something about it, too…if waddling over to punch them in all my ridiculous layers didn’t make it look like I was just getting ready to give them a big bear hug or something.

Thing #2: As much as I told myself I wouldn’t be a pansy and say it’s “freezing cold” anymore when it’s, y’know, not…The lack of sunshine around here is killing me.

On my last day in St. Louis, it had warmed up to the point that I was eating renowned frozen custard from Ted Drewes wearing a tank top and a light jacket.

Today, I had to wear a thick jacket. Nuh-uh. Uncalled for, Cali!

 

So that’s what these brownies are for. Some people like to do rain dances. Since it’s been a dark, cloudy, overcast, likely-to-pour day over here, though, I huddled up inside with my books and made these gorgeously dark black sesame brownies and decided to throw in a bit of sunshine.

Then do a little dance. The sunshine brownie dance.  Because they’re really, really yummy and super bright! You’ll love the smoky (and healthy!) taste of black sesame topped with the tangy bright taste of lemon curd sunshine.

What’s your favorite kind of weather or date?  

I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

I’d love to hear what you’re thinking! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read/comment/follow. I hope you’re enjoying the weather and/or the indoors, wherever you’re at!

Black Sesame Sunshine Brownies

Yield: 1 9×9-inch baking pan

Adapted from Pig Pig’s Corner

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 3/4 cup + 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
• 5/8 cup white sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon soy sauce
• 2 eggs
• 7/8 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds (optional, for garnish)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a food processor, combine melted butter and black sesame seeds. Grind until it turns into a fine or slightly gritty paste.
3. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine sesame paste, sugar, and soy sauce. Fry it for 2-3 minutes, or until the black sesame becomes smoky and fragrant. (The oils will start to separate when it’s ready–be sure not to overfry, otherwise you’ll burn your sesame!) Remove from heat and set aside to cool.
4. Add cooled sesame mixture to a large mixing bowl. Mix in eggs one by one.
5. Gently fold in flour until just incorporated.
6. Pour batter into prepared pan and sprinkle black sesame seeds on top. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Top with white sesame seeds and serve with a dollop of lemon curd sunshine! (Recipe follows.)

Lemon Curd Sunshine

Ingredients:

• 1 cup white sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup lemon juice
• 3 lemons, zested
• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted

Directions:

1. In a large microwave-safe bowl, whisk together sugar and eggs until smooth. Stir in remaining ingredients, then heat in microwave at 1-minute intervals for approximately 4-5 minutes total, stirring between each interval. Your curd will be ready when it’s thick enough to coat the back of a metal spoon. Remove from microwave (straining out any excess egg whites as necessary through a mesh strainer) and allow to cool slightly before serving. Sunshine, order’s up! 

Gooey Cookie Butter Brown Sugar Bars

Cookie butter. Alternate names: Biscoff spread, Speculoos.

These bars–all of the above, plus nectar of the gods.

Did I get the magic words in there anywhere?

If you’re like me, you’ll want to grab a jar and just jam your really grown-up Minnie Mouse spoon right in–

Ohhh yeah.

If this sounds like something you have done would do, you won’t want to miss these heavenly, gooey, cinnamony cookie butter bars!

Plus, they’ll give you a really amazing excuse to spoon out mouthfuls of cookie butter while you’re waiting for the bars to finish baking. I know my jar is almost gone, and the recipe only calls for a little over half a cup…

On the other hand, if you’d like to agonize over nutritional labels and keep your body in bikini ship-shape in time for summer–skip out on these. Be my guest. Really. Because that means more, more, and more for me.

Oh, who are we kidding? These are awesome. You HAVE to try them!

If you’re really set on avoiding these, I’ll be nice. I won’t tell you about the thick, perfectly proportioned spiced graham cracker crust, and I certainly won’t tell you about the melt-in-your-mouth, warm gooey layer of cookie butter molasses-style brown sugar that you’re sure to love.

Aren’t I just the nicest?

You can probably see why having an entire trayful of these bad boys sitting on my kitchen counter can be an eensy, weensy, HUGE problem.

So check out the recipe. You DO have a jar of cookie butter sitting in your pantry, don’t you? Why, you DO? (Or if you don’t–you WILL in about 10 minutes, right?)

While I leave to Google the definition of “addiction,” why don’t you take another look at these drool-worthy bars?

And if you don’t see me back again in a while–er, don’t look in the kitchen. You might find a strange girl standing there with a Minnie Mouse spoon in one hand and an empty jar of cookie butter in the other…and that’s just awkward.

Guess you might want to check your kitchen after all. And while you’re there, why not make these FANTASTIC cookie butter addict bars?

Gooey Cookie Butter Brown Sugar Bars

Cookie butter filling adapted from Handle the Heat

Ingredients:

For graham cracker crust:

• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs (approximately 16 sheets, crushed)
• 10 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted and cooled to room temperature
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

For cookie butter brown sugar filling:

• 3 eggs
• 1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar, tightly packed
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup cookie butter spread

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease an 8×8-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. To make crust: Combine all crust ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Press evenly and lightly into greased baking pan. Bake in preheated oven for 8-10 minutes, until lightly golden. Set aside to cool while making filling.
3. To make filling: Combine filling ingredients until completely smooth. Pour over slightly cooled crust and bake for approximately 30 minutes, until the center has just set. Remove from oven and allow to cool, then cut into bars and cool completely on a wire rack.

LWOM: Healthy Apple Spice Bars with Caramel Penuche Icing

It was a Wednesday, and as a consequence, Piglet was sitting on a log. Mind you, this was his Wednesday log, which is different from his Thursday or Saturday log, although sometimes you found it hard to tell the difference, and so did Piglet.

“Tiddly pom, hum,” he said, since it seemed like the right thing to say when one is sitting on a Wednesday log.

Speaking of the right thing to say, it was an afternoon perfect for soft, warmly-spiced apple bars frosted with caramel penuche icing and–

“Excuse me?” said Piglet.

“Excuse me,” I said,  startled.

“Were you speaking just now?” he asked, looking up with a slightly mesmerized expression, as I’m sure you’re wearing at this very moment. Because his attention was fixed on this gif right above us, too.

“I think so. Or at least the gif above you was. It was one or the other of us, you know.”

“Oh. I thought somebody must have been.” He paused and twiddled the daffodil that he had been twiddling after his thumbs had been all twiddled out. “And…and who were you speaking to?”

“Why–to the readers, I suppose,” I said.

“Oh.” The flower wiggled its petals and worried its stem. There was a pause.

“Not to me?” he asked finally.

“Well, not at first,” I said, but I added kindly, “But it could have been to you.”

Piglet considered this. He considered saying “Oh, hooray, and three cheers for Piglet!” but decided that might make him sound what he called “over-eager.” So he said instead, rather randomly, “You know, people like to talk to Pooh very much.”

“I know,” I said. Because it was true.

“But he can be a bear of very little brain–as he says himself, of course,” Piglet finished hurriedly. And then he added, so as not to sound too self-interested, “I admire your the pig cup in your pictures. And the apple spice bars look very nice, too. There’s something about pigs that are very pleasing and nice and…and un-bear-like, you know.”

“Of course,” I said.

“I mean,” he went on, speaking now to the stem of his greatly worried daffodil, “what does one DO as a Pooh bear?”

“Eat, I suppose. And think about eating. And other Pooh-like things.”

“Right,” Piglet replied. “

We waited. The daffodil jiggled a little bit as he thought about this carefully.

“Do you think, hypo-thack-tikly speaking, (which was a grand thing to say, because Christopher Robin said it all the time), one–say, perhaps, a pig, or a tiny pig–that one could become a Pooh?”

“Well,” I said. “When one wants to pretend like one’s a grown-up, Piglet, what does one do?”

“Wear grown-up clothes and do grown-up things like cook and stay up late and cross the street without holding anybody’s hand,” Piglet said proudly, for he had done all of these things before when he wanted to feel grown-up.

“Precisely,” I said. “And so if one–say, a tiny pig–wanted to be a Pooh Bear, what would one do?”

“Aha!” Piglet said suddenly, jumping up from his Wednesday log and casting a longing look at the pan of apple spice bars with rich caramel penuche icing sitting in front of him.

And do you know what happened then?

I’ll let you decide. Although, if I were you, which I am decidedly not (but if), I would look below for a clue.

Done just like a Pooh bear.

What character would you be from the 100 Acre Woods?

(I apologize for the blurry, pixelated gif this time–it was a rushed day! But I’ll get it right next time around :] )

This post is part of the Lit, Wit, and an Oven Mitt (LWOM) series here at Wallflour Girl, where Ala takes a popular or classic literary character and uses him/her/it to tell a story about her recipes.  Ala is an English literature graduate student with a strong interest in children’s literature, Victorian lit, and everything in between, beyond, bubbly, or burgundy. Ala does not own the rights to any of these characters or original literary texts, although she does own a really cute Winnie-the-Pooh balloon-shaped stuffed-animal. This series is intended to offer you a glimpse into her world through our shared love for food. Please let Ala know what you think of these stories–she’d love to hear what you think (and I’m sure Piglet would, too).

Healthy Apple Spice Bars with Caramel Penuche Icing

Apple spice bar recipe adapted from Allrecipes

Caramel penuche icing recipe originally posted at lifesabatch (and it’s delicious!)

 

Apple Spice Bars:

Yield: 30 large bars (or 9×13-inch pan)

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 cup applesauce (I used unsweetened)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×13-inch baking pan and set aside.
2. In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Add egg, mix in until combined. Stir in applesauce. Add remaining (dry) ingredients and stir until the entire mixture is just combined. Pour into prepared pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until bars are golden and a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely before cutting into squares.

Caramel Penuche Icing

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup butter or margarine
• 1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 1/4 cups powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Melt butter in a medium pot and bring it to a boil. Add sugar and return mixture to a boil for 2 minutes while stirring constantly. Add milk, then return to a boil. Remove from heat and allow to cool a few minutes before mixing in powdered sugar.
2. Pour over cooled bars. Enjoy!

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies

So sombody’s been listening to “I won’t say I’m in love” on repeat today!

I won’t say–er, who.

Happy Valentine’s/Galentine’s Day, folks!

In honor of this lovely, commercial-saturated annual holiday, I am 1) sharing the recipe & photos for this gorgeous red velvet cheesecake bar recipe (in case you haven’t had enough red velvet to last you a bleeding lifetime this month! This is my only, I promise), and 2) sharing 10 things I will be doing to celebrate a day of love, single or otherwise.

But these bars really are the best. I actually had the honor of popping some virgin red-velvet cherries today, and if decorum had allowed, I’m sure said persons would have asked me out on a romantic date for tonight on the spot.

Alas, decorum stands, and Ala is still single. BUT. Here’s what I’m doing this week to enjoy, appreciate, and celebrate the wonders of being single in February this year!

10. Watching Anastasia, the best animated film known to mankind featuring a sweet-hearted, slightly sarcastic singing love interest…while eating a melt-in-my-mouth scrumptious red velvet cheesecake brownie.

9. Sending V-day care packages to all my lovely friends and honorary valentines…containing red velvet cheesecake brownies, of course. Mwah!

8. Galentine’s Day picnic brunch under the sunny skies. And yes, there were red velvet cheesecake brownies. Are you seeing a pattern here?

7. Scoping out the gym shamelessly on V-day night. Think about it: if they’re at the gym on Valentine’s night and working them rippling biceps, chances are that they’re single and ripped into the bargain. Who says romance can’t start on February the 14th? Eh?

6. Browsing lovely food blogs like Sally’s, where I first got the inspiration and recipe for these delicious brownies! I’ve loved everything you guys have posted leading up to this beautiful day, so feel free to link me up to your favorite posts and recipes!

5. Dropping by the farmer’s market! Picked up a sweet pack of strawberries–on discount, because my man (a.k.a. the vendor, with whom I’m on a first-name basis now!) tried some of these brownies. I’m serious.

4. Dancing around my room singing “You Belong with Me” and Michael Buble’s “Haven’t Met You Yet” at the top of my lungs into a hairbrush, hoping all the while that this will happen to me. Again, February 14th. Chances are up, right??

3. Inflating an entire party pack’s worth of balloons and drawing silly faces on them, like this:

 

Heartthrob J. Alfred B’lloon-frock says hi! He even wrote me a love song today.

2. Going to a Grease sing-along at the local theater tonight with my gal pals. SUMMER NIGHTS BABY. (Even though: BIG confession. I’ve never watched all of Grease in one sitting before. Shocker!! Bringing red velvet cheesecake brownies to make up for my lack in that department.)

And, finally….

1. Wishing all of you the best Valentine’s Day you can have, whether you’re taken, single, or just a celebrator of life! Enjoy your day, folks!

(And whipping up a batch of these absolutely meltaway red velvet cheesecake bars wouldn’t hurt, either. Just saying.)

What are you doing to celebrate this season of love?

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies

Yield: 9×9-inch baking pan

From Sally’s Baking Addiction

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon red food coloring
• 3/4 teaspoon white vinegar
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 1 egg
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 9×9-inch baking pan.
2. Cream together melted butter and sugar until smooth and fluffy. Stir in vanilla; add cocoa powder and stir in until no clumps remain. Mix in food coloring and vinegar, then add eggs and mix in until batter is smooth. Finally, add flour and stir in until just incorporated. Pour into prepared pan.
3. To make cheesecake batter: Beat cream cheese in a medium bowl until smooth. Mix in sugar and continue beating until mixture is smooth and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla; mix in until no lumps remain.
4. Drop cheesecake batter in large spoonfuls over the red velvet batter, taking care to leave some red spaces between each white dollop (this will make it easier to get a nice red contrast when you swirl in the cheesecake). Run a knife through the red and white batters to create a swirl pattern.
5. Bake in preheated oven for 25-30 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in brownie comes out clean. (I like to underbake mine just a tad and then set the bars out on top of the oven for a few minutes to finish cooking that way without drying them out too much.) Allow bars to cool completely before cutting into 25 squares. Serve and enjoy with your significant other, your friends, or just your lovely ol’ self!

Cookie Butter PB&J Bars

You know how Mom (or at least the proverbial “mom”) always tells us not to tinker with “well enough” or “tried and true”?

Mom clearly never added cookie butter to her PB&J.

But I did. Oh, did I ever.

Let’s not leave any room for misconception: I am THE girl when it comes to PB&J fanaticism. If you’ve ever fantasized in class about the Smuckers Uncrustables PB&J sandwiches to the point where you actually start to drool (true story–medieval lit class, junior year), we should talk. If you’ve done the same while pondering over Mr. Darcy or Richard Armitage (a.k.a. Mr. Thornton from North and South–my most recent obsession), we should also talk.

Disney. Children’s lit. Useless personality quizzes. Going out of my way to step on particularly crunchy-looking leaves the day after it rains.

Basically, if you ever come across a fangirl or obsessive moment in one of my posts that really just screams to you, “YOU KNOW YOU (not-so) SECRETLY LOVE THIS TOO,” you really need to tell me. I don’t have nearly enough outlets for my quirky and eccentric passions as it is, and sometimes I hesitate to spill the beans about my crazy love for Neopets when it comes to people I have to work with for the next who-knows-how-long.

Bottom line: There are lots of things we should talk about, ‘kay?

While I’m waiting for you to come to the decision to message me about our obviously shared my latest fanaticism over period films, though, let me buy you more time by talking about these delectably creamy, firm, and downright flavor-bursting CBPB&J bars.

I’ve been making my own homemade cookie butter for a while now. It’s been the best thing in my life since they announced the 2013 release of a NEW season of Sailor Moon (***let me make this simple for you–fangirl moment??***). But recently I stumbled across Averie’s really fantastic and genius recipe for homemade cookie butter peanut butter–which, by the way, I still need to post photos for. (It just never lasts long enough in this apartment for me to take a decent snapshot of!)

At any rate, I tried making this CBPB and–holy moly! Talk about packing in the sweet, slightly salty flavors of two amazing “nut” butter worlds into one flavor-packed dip.

I decided to I wanted to make a double-decker blondie out of it, so when I found this wonderful recipe for Biscoff butter cake, my taste buds were definitely a-tingle. I decided to adapt the cookie butter layer to accommodate the CBPB, added my own favorite blondie recipe, toss in a few swirls of jam for a nice classic twist, and voila! CBPB&J. Can I totally recommend this combo on the next sandwich you pack for lunch, too?

Yes, I think I will. You should do it. Your kids will also thank you for it.

 

You’re welcome, Mumsicles.

I hope I’ve given you enough time to think about what you’d like to gush to me about. If not…well, there’s always these CBPB&J bars, no? Go whip up a batch in your kitchen tonight. I promise I won’t ask you to wipe the drool off your chin before you come back and we gush over this recipe together. Chances are, I’ll be eyeing your slice and drooling, too.

Good to see you here!

What have YOU been obsessing over (secretly or not) lately? (Whatever it is–remember, we should talk!)

Cookie Butter Peanut Butter & Jelly Bars

Cookie Butter layer adapted from Butterbaking

Yield: 9×9-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
• 1 cup brown sugar, packed
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup white chocolate chips
• 4 oz. cream cheese, softened
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/2 cup homemade cookie butter peanut butter (or you can also combine 1/4 cup store-bought Biscoff spread with 1/4 cup peanut butter)
• 1/2 cup raspberry or strawberry jelly

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 9×9-inch baking pan.
2. For blondie layer: In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate large bowl, combine melted butter and brown sugar. Mix in 1 egg and 1 tablespoon vanilla extract. Add dry ingredients and stir until just incorporated. Fold in white chocolate chips. Pour batter into pre-greased pan.
3. For cookie butter peanut butter layer: In a medium bowl, beat softened cream cheese until smooth. Add egg, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, and 1/2 cup homemade cookie butter peanut butter. Spread evenly over blondie batter.
4. Place jelly in microwave-safe bowl and heat in microwave for 15 seconds. Drop by spoonfuls on top of the cookie butter peanut butter layer; swirl lightly by running a knife through the blobs.
5. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until toothpick in blondie layer comes out clean (the cookie butter layer will still be pretty gooey–this is perfect! You’ll have a nice creamy layer texture on top). Cool bars and cut into 16 medium or 25 smaller squares.

7 Days Until Christmas: Orange Cheesecake Gingerbread Blondies

Playful, chilly winds nip our ears and prick our exposed noses. Straggling students wrap scarves around their heads in the fashion of ancient, entombed Egyptians. And as the days dwindle into the single digits, you can almost hear the wintertime choirs burst out into song and chime…

Seven days until Christmas!

That, my friends, is the stocking that’s Santa’s going to fill with lots of nice goodies for a very nice girl this year (a.k.a. yours truly):

Wait…seven days?! That’s exactly one week!

In honor of this momentous occasion, which occurs once every 364 1/4 days in a year–something it shares in common with Leprechaun’s Day, National Talk Like a Pirate Day, and your Auntie Mabel’s birthday–I’ve compiled a list of 7 holiday traditions that, for some reason or another, just never seemed to make the cut…

7. Naughty or Naughtier: Draw from a hat of “naughty” deeds and perform them in front of your friends! But it gets better–in order to win, your friends have to out-naughty your naughty deed. Do you have what it takes to get yourself in the top spot on Santa’s naughty list this year?

6. Hot Space Heater: Want to turn up the heat this year on family & friends fun day? Play this season-appropriate version of “Hot Potato” with your closest enemies. All you need are some rockin’ Christmas tunes and a preheated warmer–toss the space heater around in a circle until it gets too hot to handle! For extra excitement, make sure to invite your in-laws and that second cousin, twice removed that you never really liked.

5. Turkey Deep-Frying Competition: Get your frying vats ready–this is one sizzling holiday game! See who can fry their turkies the fastest; the hotter the stove, the hotter the game! (In order to qualify, participants must fry their turkies whole, preferably in a crowded space where flying oil and raging tempers will be an issue.)

4. Santa Pause: Do nothing but stare at the fireplace for as long as you can stand. Good party game for up to 90 players, and particularly for those of 90+ years. Sleeping with eyes wide open permitted.

3. Rudolph the Red No’s-Brainer: It’s costume time! Get a nice rosy glow going on those wintry noses by roasting a whole tomato under the broiler. Then pass around the scorching-hot tomatoes and have every member of your party don one–you may find that your red nose will not be artificial for very long!

2. Elf’s Workshop: Gang up against the youngest (or smallest) member of your family and make them do all the holiday preparations around the house while the rest of you sip hot chocolate and sing “Deck the Halls” in cheery, obnoxious voices. Possible supplies include a giant nametag that reads “And to think I used to wish I could be Santa’s elf” for your house elf to wear, or giant marshmallows that you can command your elf to toast for you “in the name of Santa Claus.”

1. S’mores Wars: Do you long to have a snowball fight but find it too cold to step outside? Never fear, marshmallows are here! Heat up marshmallows in the microwave for up to 5 seconds–they should expand like crazy Pillsbury dough-boys. Whip them out and chuck ‘em at whoever happens to pass by the kitchen–they’ll never know what hit them!

What is your number one favorite holiday game/activity? Leave your thoughts, and look out for some more Countdown to Christmas posts!

 

Orange Cheesecake Gingerbread Blondies

Yield: 1 9×9-inch baking pan

Ingredients:

• For gingerbread blondie:
• 1/2 cup margarine or butter, melted
• 1 cup brown sugar, packed
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup white chocolate chips
• For orange cheesecake:
• 1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1 large egg
• Zest of 1/2 medium orange
• Juice of 1/2 medium orange (or approximately 1/4 cup)
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips, melted (for chocolate swirl)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a large bowl, cream together melted butter and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in one egg and vanilla extract. Add flour, baking powder, and salt; stir until just combined. Fold in white chocolate chips. Pour into greased 9×9-inch baking pan. 
2. In a medium bowl, cream together cream cheese and white sugar until fluffy. Beat in 1 egg, orange zest, and orange juice. Spread evenly over gingerbread blondie batter.
3. Drop dollops of melted chocolate over cheesecake batter. Swirl in with tip of a knife.
4. Bake for 25-35 minutes, until edges begin to turn slightly golden brown and cheesecake is fairly set. Allow to cool at room temperature before cutting into squares. Place in fridge and allow to firm up for at least an additional hour before removing from pan. Store leftover bars in fridge.

 

Easy Saltine Chocolate Toffee Cookies

It’s 6:42 PM and you’re running late for a potluck. You’ve just spent the past three hours completely absorbed in who-knows-what at your computer (well, you know, but it’s certainly not work-related and you certainly aren’t saying), when you look up with that sinking feeling in your stomach, and realize…

You forgot to make something to bring.

If you’re like me, however, and you get that weird feeling in your tummy, it’s probably because you’re so excited that you get to prepare, bake, and eat these bars within 20 minutes of start time.

Seriously.

These are known within my extended family as “those delicious toffee fudgy indescribable cracker-based things.” Or, as one of my cousins so eloquently put it, “They’re so addicting, it’s like you actually put the crack in crackers.”

Let’s just say we’re not much for subtlety in my family. Eaters, however, we are. In fact, we’re just one amalgamation of really great chefs and bakers, which is why, when this Thanksgiving rolled around and I started getting family encore requests for this amazing dessert, I was sort of flattered.

The slightly sad part of the story is that I made these cookies well in advance, stuck them in the freezer so they’d stand up to the hour-long flight, towed an entire bucketful through security, and made it home with them–only to forget them in the freezer when we left for my grandparents’ house. So we were without them after all this Thanksgiving.

Of course, this could just have been my devious, diabolical plan to keep these deliciously addicting saltine toffee cookies to myself. But let’s say it wasn’t. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, giving, and all that jazz.

Heck, I’ll even share the recipe with you so you can make your own and won’t bother my stash. Then maybe next Thanksgiving, you’ll have your own stash hoarded away and you’ll understand what I’m going through, too.

On a completely unrelated note, Christmas lights have started going up on our street, and we’ve all started shopping for an exciting round of Secret Santa. Happy holidays, folks!

What’s your Thanksgiving go-to or most-requested recipe? Links welcome!

Easy Saltine Chocolate Toffee Cookies

Slightly adapted from Allrecipes

Yield: Approximately 28-32 chocolate toffee saltine squares

Ingredients:

• Approximately 28-32 saltine crackers, with salted tops
• 1 cup butter or margarine, room temperature
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate
• 10 undipped homemade lacy butter cookies, crumbled–or other toppings of your choice (see notes)
• For drizzle: 1/2 cup white chocolate chips, 2 tablespoons butter or margarine

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a 9×13-inch baking pan with enough foil to reach up sides. Lightly grease foil and line the bottom with a single layer of saltine crackers. Use more or less crackers as needed to fill up the entire bottom of the pan. Set aside.
2. In a medium-sized pot over medium heat, combine butter and brown sugar. Once the entire mixture gets to a rolling boil, set a timer for exactly three minutes. Do not stir the mixture while it is boiling; it should coalesce and become dark amber by the end of the three minutes. Remove from heat and pour gently over the saltines, making sure to coat the entire layer of crackers. (Avoid pouring too quickly, otherwise your toffee will all seep underneath the saltines!)
3. Bake in preheated oven for 5-6 minutes. Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips evenly over the toffee layer. Wait 5 minutes for the chocolate chips to start melting, then gently spread the chocolate with a knife over the toffee until completely covered. Top with crumbled topping of your choice.
4. For drizzle: in a saucepan over medium-low heat, combine white chocolate chips and butter. Stir frequently until white chocolate and butter have combined and are smooth. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Drizzle over saltine toffee cookies.
5. Allow your toffee bars to cool slightly before breaking them carefully into saltine cracker-sized squares. Remove gently onto a wire rack, then allow cookies to cool completely before serving. (I usually allow them to cool at room temperature for at least a few hours before popping them into the freezer, but you can skip straight to the freezer if you’re pressed for time.)

Notes:

• Go wild with the toppings! If you don’t have any extra lacy butter cookies laying around (which I did), then you can substitute chopped nuts, candies, or anything else that strikes your fancy! You can also play around with colors and sprinkles for different holidays/occasions.